Loneliness

So this isn't a pity post by any means, just some random thoughts that I have been feeling lately and I feel like I am starting to get a little bit of a grasp on where some of them have been coming from. I was super excited about moving to Guatemala and had a lot of expectations about coming here. I felt that I had a fairly good grasp on the idea of living overseas and a lot of things that come with that. I didn't have the nervousness or anxious feelings that I had before moving to Korea. I felt I could go with the flow and handle most things that would be thrown my way. I knew I could understand more than I could in Korea, so I figured that would help. I had a great experience in Korea, but knew I was destined to head back west, but land a little south of the US. Guatemala ended up being the place. I had a hard time leaving my friends in Korea, but knew I would start over coming to Guatemala. I knew I wasn't coming to a Christian school, so I knew that making friends might be a tad different than it had been in the past. There was one more important element I needed in my good, solid friendships here that was pretty much a guarantee in Korea. I have met several other Christians here and a lot of fun people that do a lot of stuff, and a lot of people that are involved in a variety of things. For some reason, I have not found those deep friendships that I am missing so much. For this reason, I am having these longing feelings of loneliness while being surrounded by people. I have found that a lot of these feelings are based on my own choices and decisions I have made since being here in Guate. I am having a really hard time opening up and letting people into my life. It was really hard for me letting go of those people that I was so close to while living for two years in Korea. I had some GREAT friends that I had to say goodbye to all at the same time: Alexa, Nancy, Gretchen, Mike, Mary, Michael, etc. Those people were with me during good times and bad times, hard times, sad times, etc. They were my family. They were my life there. I was not that fond of Korea, but those people made it a VERY fond time of my life. They laughed with me, cried with me, hugged me when I needed it, stayed with me when I was grumpy, traveled with me, did absolutely nothing with me, etc. I love them dearly and then one day, boom, it was all gone. It reminded me of moving away from college, we all split down very different roads of life, after our roads had been so very similar for two years. It was just a weird feeling. I love them and I did NOT want to leave them. I cried in some very embarrassing places as we were saying our goodbyes to each other! ha ha. Then I went home for the summer, spent time with a bunch of other people that I have accepted the idea of not living near them, but are still very special people in my life. My family, my friends in CT/NJ, even seeing some Korea friends! Then, I made the move to Guate. I was so excited to meet the locals and hang out with them and listen to Latin music all the time and go dancing all the time, and eat lots of tortillas and beans, and pretty much become Guatemalan. I was ready. Life hasn't exactly happened as I had thought or hoped. I immediately found people to hang out with and have even met some really great people. BUT, I am having a really hard time letting down my walls and actually letting them into my life. I often times turn down invitations to go and do things or go to parties. I know, totally doesn't sound like me, is what some of you are thinking, but I'm just having a really hard time with it. There is a distinct separation between foreign and Guatemalan teachers at our school. I was hoping that would not be the case, and I would have a lot more Guatemalan friends than I would have American friends! I don't know, but it has just been a lot different than I had pictured it to be here. And I feel like I've been a different person than I thought I would be here. I find myself wanting to do things or wanting to go places, but I want to go with Alexa or Nancy or Mary. I know I can't live in the past and I probably won't ever experience half of these things with any of those people, but I want to!! Well, sorry if I bored most of you out there, but sometimes it's good to just get these feelings down in words and get them off my chest and to try to see them from the outside looking in, even though I can't really do that!! Hopefully this will get better soon and I will actually let people in. I'll let you know when the breakthrough happens!

My View

Just in case any of you are looking for a next vacation spot and forgot how lovely the view is from my apartment windows, here's a reminder!!

The weather is also gorgeous this time of year. The rainy season is over and it has been getting up into the 80's every day. I went and played basketball with my friend Danielle's 4th and 5th grade team yesterday afternoon and then went and walked around the track for about a half hour. It was beautiful outside. I loved it!!!!! Anyway, come anytime! You have a free place to stay!!!

Orphanage

One of my reasons of wanting to move to Guatemala was due to the needs and poverty that they have here, and so I could find ways to make an impact or help people in need. So far, I can't say that I have done much of that or found opportunities to get involved. On Saturday, my friend Kelly told me that she was going to go visit an orphanage where her friend is a "house mom" for the teenage girls. I was super excited because I wanted to see the orphanage and spend my Saturday holding babies! So, we loaded up the car, with four of us girls and headed up towards Antigua. On our way there, Kelly's friend called who works at the orphanage to tell us that she was broken down in the van on the way back to the home. So we actually got there before she did. We got out and walked into the area where all the little kids were. They ran to us like we were long lost friends. It was really sweet. They were behind these gates that were locked and they all wanted to be held and played with. We played for a little while until about an hour later, Kelly came to the gate (I didn't even see her leave) and said, girls come here, QUICK. We went up and she asks us, "Have you had your hepatitis A shots?" I was pretty sure that I had had mine before I went to Peru, but she said, well you should probably get out and go scrub up. Allison just told me that there was a Hepatitis A breakout in the children's area and she pointed to a room in the back and said, "All of the Hep A kids are quarantined there." Oh great!!! So anyway, it was a short stay with the kiddos, but we did get to stay and talk to her friend Allison and look around the children's home. There are sooo many kids there. Allison is a house mom to like 54 14-18 year old girls!!! They have their own school there on the grounds where the kids go to school and there are so many people that work there. I definitely want to start going there on more of a regular basis. Another reason I need a car!!! Here are just a few pictures that I snapped before we were removed from the children's area. They aren't usually locked up, only because of the Hepatitis breakout, so you can tell the kids are dying to get out of that locked up area!!!!!

My friend Stephanie who went with us, too!

This is the area back where the school is located.

It was up out of the city, so pretty!!!!

Chili's and Samuel!!!

Last Thursday, after school, I went home and changed and took a taxi over to a mall called Miraflores to meet some people for dinner at Chili's!!! I met up with the Armstrongs who are from Kansas City, but they are adopting from Guatemala. Emily has lived in Antigua for eight months, fostering their little boy Samuel. We have several mutual friends back in Kansas City, and they go to the church that my old youth minister started. We had emailed a few times and I had looked at her blog before I moved to Guatemala to see the pictures and stuff. We finally got together the night before they were able to fly home with their little boy!!!! It was so fun to meet some fellow midwestern folks down here in Guatemala. Here are a few pictures I took. Samuel is soooo cute! Check out their blog for an awesome story and lots of pictures as well!

Me and Samuel

the Armstrongs

No, I didn't participate in a triathlon. ha ha ha. We did have a triathlon at school last week. It was so cute. The kids could form teams of three and all the middle schoolers went out to watch them participate in it. They had one swimmer who swam in the pool, then they got out and ran to the person who biked four laps around the track and then tagged the person who ran four laps around the track. It was a fun event, except it was HOT outside!!!!!! Here are a few pictures from the triathlon. I had several of my kids participate. Here are the impatient middle schoolers waiting at the track for the swimmers to finish so we have someone to watch!!!!

My crazy boys. One of them asked me the other day, "Miss Bass, will you be my girlfriend?" I was like NO. His friends all started laughing, I think it was a bet. ha ha.

One of my favorite little boys made a sign for a girl he likes. ha ha. He asked me if I could take a picture of them together after she finished the race. ha

Here come the bikers!!!!

Then the runners....

One of the groups of three was this group of crazy boys. The swimmer wore his water wings in the pool, this is the bike that they brought to use in the bike laps, etc. They got disqualified. ha ha.

And the finish!!!!

Check out her face, ALEXA........she's making my dancing face!!! ha ha.

What a week...

Wow, where do I even begin? I don't have any picture to prove any of this, but I swear it's all true. :) It has surely been one heck of a week. I came home from work on Tuesday to find a key in my lock. Yes, a key. NO, not my key. I tried to take it out, it wouldn't work. Weird, I thought. But, I tried some more and it wouldn't budge at all. Then I was pissed. Who was trying to get into my apartment? Why did someone have a key that they thought opened my apartment? Who is this? So I went downstairs, talked to the guard and he said, oh it was Ruben Ramirez, he signed in, and he was coming to clean the gardens. I said, well that's weird, because I DON'T HAVE ANY GARDENS. (Mind you, this is all happening in Spanish, as he doesn't speak any English.) So, we go up to my apartment and he attempts to get the key out, with a lot worse of an attempt than my own. Of course it still won't come out. So I call my landlord and tell her assistant. She says they will be sending a locksmith over to replace the lock and take the lock off the door. I am telling the guard, that the biggest problem here is that he let Ruben try to get into my apartment without my permission. I mean, the whole key in the door was a significant problem as well, but I was being clear that the BIGGEST problem was this Ruben fellow, who thinks he can come into my house when I'm gone. I kept saying, I don't know him and how the security can't let people up unless I leave a name for them. He kept saying, ok ok ok, and just acting like it was no big deal. So I go upstairs to Stephanie and Laurie's apartment and have a beer to relax, ha ha, and wait. Finally the locksmith comes and I meet him at my door and he proceeds to rip off the side panel on the door frame in order to take the lock/handle out of the door. He puts a new one on and gives me the keys. I make him reassure me that these are the only keys to this lock. He said yes. So, ok then I went to a friend's house to watch the election. I didn't really have much interest, but it gave me something to do rather than be angry with the guards. Apparently is what happened was that this Ruben guy thought no one lived in my apartment (about half of the apartments are still vacant) and was going to go through the apartment to water/clean the plants that are on the outside of the building between the balconies. Whatever, the guard should know I live there.....like for TWO months. And I'm a gringa, it's a double whammy, he should know me. So, get ready to leave for school Wednesday, Stephanie is downstairs and tells me there is water coming into their apartment from the ceiling. She stayed home from school in the morning to wait for the people to come fix it. Another mess. A pipe burst upstairs from them and it all came down into their apartment. Stephanie's bed was soaked, they had a flood on the floor, their ceiling looks like it could cave in, etc. NICE. She and Laurie will need to stay at my apartment Wednesday night. No problem. I get home yesterday after school to no electricity. It was off for about two hours. I couldn't do anything, watch tv, check my email, blow up the air mattress, cook, etc. I had to grade papers. Dang. At least I got them done! The guy came upstairs to fix my bathroom door (the guest bathroom) that gets stuck when you close it. I had to hold the flashlight for him. At least it was fixed. We all go to bed last night, no problem. This morning, I wake up, no water. AT ALL. Not just no hot water, but NO water. I go downstairs to ask the guard if he has called someone or when it will be back on. He said he doesn't know and he hasn't called anyone because he doesn't have a phone. (Again, mind you this is all in Spanish....) At this point, a Spanish swear or two came out of my mouth (remember, also, it's 5:45 AM and I'm not a morning person) and I go back upstairs. Steph and I quickly grabbed some clothes, a towel, our toiletries, and rode the early bus to school in our pajamas and took showers at school in the locker room. WOW, it's been a GREAT week. And on top of it all, my classes were all so bad yesterday. I don't know what had gotten into them. They would NOT stop talking at all. ha ha ha. The good news is that today I have only had one class so far, but they were really good and we had a really good class. Aye aye aye. That's about all I have left to say at this point. What a week.

Machete

It is not uncommon to see guys with machetes working on the lawn around here. This is what they use to cut tree branches, to trim weeds, sometimes even to cut the grass. Seriously. The guys walk around with them like they are nothing. Well yesterday, I was opening up the back door to my classroom and I noticed the handle of one of them sticking out from behind the lockers. I didn't think much of it until later and I was like, hmmmm did I just see what I think I saw? So Danielle had come by and I showed her. There were no worker guys out there, so I pulled it out and it was a full on machete. I about died!! Where is the safety here people? Please excuse the double/triple chin here but otherwise just look at the machete making its home behind my classroom! ha ha. Maybe I could use it to threaten the children. Ha ha.

Halloween

Last Friday, with it being Halloween and all, we let the kids dress up as book characters or famous people for school. They were so cute!! Here are a few kids in my first period before my camera battery died. First we have Mozart. He told me that he looked up online and found a picture of him and these were even the clothes that he was wearing!!!!

This kid on the left, obviously, didn't have anything good to come up with so he found a clown wig and a weird old man mask and wore it. It was quite comical though as he sat in my class with this on. The mouth moved with his mouth and everything. He is a funny kid. Here he is with his neighbor, Amelia Bedelia. She is so cute!

And we had a showing of Bart Simpson in class. ha ha. (With Tom Sawyer behind him, full on with a fishing pole and all!!!!)

And the Cat in the Hat even showed up!

So crazy!!!!\

The kids had a lot of fun and everything went off really well. They had a good time!! We had an assembly where we voted on the best costume. Elvis won....he even did some Elvis moves!

Advisory Cheer!

My advisory kids voted on their team name and they voted on The Teletubies. Yes only one b, because that is the Spanish version of Teletubbies. They designed their t-shirts and came up with a group cheer, and everything. It was really cute. Last Wednesday we wore the shirts to school and did our cheers for the other classes. Here are a few cute pics of my kiddos! Here is the whole group of them!

One boy trying to show off his muscles for me!

You can see how windy it is here by looking at my hair! Yes, I do have a shirt as well. This little boy, who is in another advisory, thought it was stupid to get advisory t-shirts so he didn't turn in any money for his shirt and said he didn't want one. Then when they came in, he wanted one but it was too late. His teacher told him he could be the mascot and asked if he had any animal costumes. He said, yes, a chicken and a cow. She said, well choose one and you can wear it. I can't believe he did it! :)

Soooo cute!

My kids doing thier cheer, it's really funny. At the end they all yell, "Group Hug" and get together!

Me with a few of my colleagues. By far, I look the most ridiculous in my shirt! ha ha.

Safety in Guatemala

I didn't want to write about this as soon as I got here, because I knew that I would get a lot of negative responses from a lot of people! One of my concerns before coming to Guatemala (and a lot of other people's concerns) was in regards to my safety here in Guatemala. Now let me start by saying, that I have not experienced first hand any moments where I have felt threatened or unsafe. BUT I have also taken a lot of precautions and tried to be as smart as I can be in all situations. I had one time where I had a kid try to grab at my purse. I am not sure if he was just seeing if he could get an easy snag or if he was only trying to scare me. Anyway, a lot of people ask, so like what is it like there, etc? Well, let me just share with you some of the "safety tips" that we were given at the beginning of the year when we first moved here to Guatemala and this might give you somewhat of an idea what our life is like here. (The parts that are italics are my own comments that I am making to go along with the safety tips!!)

Strategies and Tips to Enhance Personal Safety

General Safety Measures

1. Make a plan before going shopping; complete your tasks with purpose. (This is a hard one, I like to enjoy my surroundings and take it all in, not always have to just be in a rush and do everything with a purpose!)
2. Do not go to unfamiliar places where you might get lost easily.
3. Only take essential items with you when you go out (don´t take ALL your credit cards, only the one you need and take little cash). (This is something that I did even when I was in Korea, because of having to take subways, buses places, it was just easier to put only my essentials in my pockets instead of carrying a purse.)
4. Avoid talking about values and vacation plans while in public.
5. Verify that your home is locked. (Seriously, don't we all do this??? Unless you are living out in the country somewhere!!)
6. Do not carry your original passport with you if possible, rather have an authenticated copy of your passport with you. (This is something that I would never do no matter where I was at, not just here in Guatemala!!)
7. Don´t show CAG ID in public. (Our school is considered the most prestigous school here in Guatemala and a lot of people consider us to be very rich if we are associated with the school.)
8. Use Q20 phone cards in your phone instead of larger amounts. (This is about $3 worth - we have prepaid phones, so in case your phone gets stolen, you don't lose a lot of money. This is one tip I don't do!!!)
9. Avoid routines.
10. Avoid staircases-take elevators. (I live on the third floor, my building, I feel, is safe, so therefore, I do take the stairs a lot in my apartment.)
11. Get out of the elevator if you don´t like the look of the other passengers. (Again, I would do this anywhere!!!)
12. Avoid mass gatherings or congregations.
13. Check your credit card after making a purchase.
14. Carry medical information on you.
15. Walk with confidence; the bad guys will recognize this and will choose another more likely victim. (I am a pretty confident walker, considering we always had to walk so fast to keep up with my dad!!!)
16. Don’t interact with strangers.
17. Go out in groups. (One that I do all the time, even though it sucks to not be able to go places alone!!!)
18. Remain in well-lit areas and avoid zones that have been established as particularly risky.
19. Get a local credit card with a Q3,000 limit and carry it when you go out. (I have a local bank card that I carry with me, and I don't keep more than about Q3,000 in my account - that is about $425)
20. Be aware of people around you. (Again, I do this anywhere)
21. Comply with the assailants’ demands.
22. Do not stop to help anyone who seems to be in need; assailants often use babies and children as decoys to capture the attention of potential victims.

Communications

1. Memorize a few key telephone numbers; do not over-rely on your cellular telephone. (Most muggings are just for the items, cell phones are a commonly stolen item)
2. Keep a public phone calling card with you.
3. Avoid saving telephone numbers on your cellular telephone with nicknames that indicate personal relationships such as Mom, Hubby, etc. (They told us that if your cell phone gets stolen, often times they will look for a number like this to call and tell the person they kidnapped you, even though they didn't, and try to get money from someone)
4. Save telephone numbers on your cellular telephone with the person’s first name and first initial of their last name only.
5. Do not go to the Shell gas station by the Mormon Church on Vista Hermosa.
6. Keep your cellular phone charged. (Again, a good rule of thumb anywhere)
7. Store key emergency telephone response numbers on speed dial on your cellular telephone.

Driving in Your Car

1. Get into and out of your car as quickly as possible.
2. Know alternate routes to and from work and your home.
3. Check around your car when you enter and leave your home.
4. Keep your windows closed and your doors locked.
5. When possible, park backwards so that you can pull out more quickly if necessary.
6. If a gun is pointed at your window, do not lower the window, but rather crash your car into the car in front of you.
7. Store any objects of value out of sight from the window (in the trunk or under a jacket).
8. Look at your seats before getting into your car.
9. If you can see the back right tire of the car in front of you on the asphalt, then you can pull into another lane without hitting the car.
10. Do NOT stop to purchase anything from vendors in the streets (newspapers, telephone cards, flowers, etc.).
11. If you are in an accident, stay in the car and call someone reliable to help you.
12. Avoid driving near two men riding on a motorcycle.
13. If you feel that you are being followed, continue to drive in public places, try to lose the car by speeding up and slowing down and turning corners and observing through your rear view mirror. Do not go to your destination. Call someone reliable and describe exactly where you are located and the kind of car that is following you.
14. If being followed, go to a gas station. Typically they are very well lit and have security systems (except the one near the Mormon church).

At the Airport

1. NEVER rent a car from the airport’s rental agency.
2. Do not wait for people with signs indicating the name of the school or their names.
3. Never accept help to manage your bags for a fee.
4. Try to avoid taking a cab from the airport. If you must, call a yellow cab or "Taxi Amarillo" at 2332-1515. Program this number in your phone.
5. Do not wait for passengers to exit from airport terminal while waiting in your car at the curb. Instead, park inside of the parking garage at the airport. This way they cannot link you, your passengers, bags, valuables and your car).

Key concepts to remember

1. These crimes are not personal; they are a business. If you are savvy and make it more complicated for the criminal, they will seek another victim.
2. Use the element of surprise you in your favor.
3. Make advance plans for all eventualities.
4. Think about what could happen as a result of the loss of your information (i.e. data bases, telephone numbers, personal information, etc.) How can you protect this information in advance?

That was the presentation given to use like first week that we were here in Guatemala. It definitely scared some people a lot, but just made us all think about our safety and some extra precautions I have to take being here. Living in Korea, I did a lot of things that were probably good safety measures, but were not necessarily things that I HAD to do. I never once questioned my safety ANYWHERE while I was in Korea. I could walk places by myself, I could go out at night with friends (guys or girls only), we could take the buses, we could take any taxis on the streets. It was so easy to get around. It's not here. This has just changed my lifestyle a little bit and I'm sure the longer I am here, the more places I will get to know and feel more comfortable going places. Anyway, I just wanted to give some of you an idea of what life is like here. :)

Tremor and Temperatures

It has been really windy here lately. And when I say really windy, I mean REALLY windy. Like I really thought that my building my just shake off the side of the cliff that it is on. So since I live in a corner apartment, now and then when it is really windy, I can feel my apartment shaking a little bit. Not anything really bad, but it is definitely shaking some. I was at home the other night when I felt a shake that was more than just the wind blowing. I mean it wasn't a "things are falling over" kind of shake, but it was definitely a shake. I kind of stood there and thought, hmmm, is this a tremor from an earthquake? Then I felt it again. Each one lasted only about 7 seconds, I would guess, but I felt it twice. Right afterwards, I got a text message from my friend, who is El Salvadorian, that said, did you just feel that tremor?? I was like oh my gosh, I DID!!! It was my first tremor I felt in Guatemala. Apparently we get these a lot, but it was my first one. In fact, we have already had one earthquake drill at school. When we feel a tremor, we all get under our desks and count to 60 and then proceed to walk outside with our hands above our heads to protect us from any falling objects. There has been one tremor here already, but I didn't feel it. It was an early dismissal day, so the kids had just been released and I was standing outside my classroom watching the kids at their lockers with two other teachers. A fifth grade teacher walked by and said, what are you guys doing? Didn't you feel the tremor? We were like, NO! We looked over and we saw all the elementary kids walking out of the classrooms with their hands on their heads. It was pretty funny. Anyway, now I have experienced my first Guatemalan tremor. And I survived!!!

On another note, the weather here is getting a little chillier. Now, may I remind you that Guatemala is known for being the "land of eternal spring." Now, some of my collegues had that confused with the land of the "eternal summer" and think it is really cold here right now. I just checked on the weather website and for the next 10 days (and I'm sure the last 10 days) the highs are all in the mid 70's and the lows are in the 50's. Last time I checked, this is NOT cold. Well, to the Guatemalans it is. My kids are coming to school with scarves and hats and gloves and winter coats. My favorite though, has to be my friend Danielle. (Sorry D, if you are reading this...) She was born in Canada, lived a lot of her life in Colorado, and is now living in Guatemala. She did teach for two years in Honduras, where she claims does not get as cold as here. But let me remind you.....CANADA and COLORADO! She has been wearing her winter pea coat to school for the last several weeks and I even spotted a scarf on her a time or two. She is constantly cold and I just laugh. :) We see guys walking to work in the morning with stocking caps on and everything. I actually really enjoy this weather, even though I will admit it gets a little chilly at night. Since the weather is so nice year round, buildings here don't have heaters or air conditioners. At night, sometimes I wish I had a little heat. But it's nothing a sweatshirt and socks can't fix!